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[Jul. 14th, 2009|09:15 pm] |
Ode to Hate
There is nothing I can do to keep enlightenment from dawning It's way too late I was destined to be self-realized From the day that I was born
There is nothing I could do to see the world through a distorted filter There is nothing I can do to run away from myself anymore This is absolutely inevitable The crash will happen And it will all be done It will be like a dream that ended It will be drama free It will be ordinary It will be sublime It will mean nothing
This is so stupid I hate having insane parents I hate having insane brothers I hate having an insane sister I hate being insane and knowing I'm insane I hate hating and knowing that it's all self-hatred
I hate being smart I hate being handsome I hate being awake I hate life I hate the world I hate existence I hate everything
This is so stupid and pointless I'm surrounded by so many idiots I'm surrounded by so many jerks I hate being so damn clear
I hate what I see and live and I don't want to accept it The world sucks I hate life I hate this place I hate this
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 14th, 2009|04:17 pm] |
Special Needs
You call him special needs When all he wants to know is the dog's name You call him special needs When all he ever does is be himself
Have you noticed the simplicity In this special child's intentions Have you noticed the complexity Of this normal man's inventions
You want to know who likes you You want to know who doesn't You want to know who's good and who's bad Who's beer is in line
You want to know what's right and what's wrong When all he wants to know is What's the name of that dog
Still you call him special needs And call yourself normal
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 14th, 2009|08:31 am] |
Daddy
He's everything I've taught myself to hate Which is why he can irk me in such ways I love who I am when I am around him Because I love to hate who he is
Yet beyond liking or disliking There is an unconditioned something There are no words for it Although I wish I could find some
Who is he? And who am I? Where is he and where am I? Such a mystery, such a riddle There are no answers Only futile questions How can I love someone I hate? How can I hate someone I love?
What a threat What a dance What a game What a chance
I can't shake him off I can't break the spell I can't do a thing But sit here and be well
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 13th, 2009|08:09 pm] |
Deathless Death
Into an absence of absence I will go Nothing will be missed For nothing will be lost Pure, undistorted and open will be this body That has carried crosses for far to long
Undaunted by fear I will live Against rock, stick and stone I will crash Like a wave that shatters yet intact remains I will fizzle
If my art is bullshit Then what is yours When all you do is play your games And hide and run from your deepest pains
After death and only after death Can life begin So let me die So I can live
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 11th, 2009|08:48 pm] |
I notice how past experiences are still so lodged in my psyche and body. I still haven't gotten over not getting the parts I wanted in college. It's my argument with reality and my belief in my should be's.
It's funny. I laugh. I realize that I have never existed and I have never, ever been in control. It's all just happening. It's shocking and it makes you feel pretty useless and obsolete actually. And that's just the way it is. I am life itself, no need to comment. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 9th, 2009|10:13 am] |
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I can't stop jerking off to gay porn! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 8th, 2009|05:58 pm] |
Hello
Into an absence of absence I will go Nothing will be missed For nothing will be lost
Undistorted, pure and open Will be this body That has carried crosses for too long The burden is over
Death is life This conditioned organism Will open itself up And allow the truth to flow through color Yet without distortion, without conflict
Life will flow purely through this dead and alive organism And a conscious expression of life itself will begin Now and always now
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 7th, 2009|10:44 am] |
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You just end up being an ordinary dude with the inability to judge yourself or others. All is well, you know this with every cell of your body and live in a constant knowing that all is well. That's all that happens. There's no more suffering. Just being. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 6th, 2009|09:35 pm] |
I am terrified of mean people. I am very afraid of mean people. I am afraid of myself. I am often afraid that people are going to be mean to me. It's been a life theme actually. Very, very afraid of people, very afraid of closeness, intimacy, relationship. Horrified. Scared of being disliked, judged, misunderstood. I am scared.
I do the best to fake my way through. It's made life a nightmare. A fear camp. A fight. A struggle. Very uncomfortable. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 6th, 2009|09:22 pm] |
The body is in me I am in the body I am the One The body moves in me I move in the body I am
I am all there is, was and will be I am everyone I am everything
I am it
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 6th, 2009|06:51 pm] |
I'm done being good I'm done being bad I'm done being so so I'm done |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 6th, 2009|04:05 pm] |
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There is such great beauty in surrender. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 5th, 2009|09:04 pm] |
I'm awake in my dream!
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 5th, 2009|07:11 pm] |
I realize I have expectations of Dad, of Mom, of the world. And then I get angry at them having expectations of me!
It's all within. I am the one who expects from them! I am the one who needs to drop these expectations and live! What they do is their business and up to them. They are free... as free as I am. |
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[Jul. 5th, 2009|06:14 pm] |
I no longer need I have never needed It was all an act! :-)
Yet I still breathe, eat, drink, sleep, wake up, poop, pee, brush my teeth and LIVE! I finally am able to LIVE! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 5th, 2009|06:11 pm] |
Identity
It's not that you lose your identity It's that you realize that there is no identity You realize that absolutely nothing is true outside I AM
The content is the dream The play, the stuff
Truth, Peace, Joy, Love, Wisdom, Beauty are inherent in what I am They are not anywhere but eternally here now
There is no identity There is no self There is nothing but I AM
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 5th, 2009|06:04 pm] |
Groundless
The ground beneath my feet has been seen through There is nothing here Just infinite and eternal space
I am totally awake And it's no big deal It's so ordinary It means absolutely nothing
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 5th, 2009|06:00 pm] |
Enlightenment
Yesterday I thought there was such a thing as enlightenment Yesterday I thought I was a person Yesterday I thought there was something to do
Today I realize there's no such thing as enlightenment Today I realize I have never been a person Today I realize there's never been anything to do
I am enlightened I am a person I have things to do
Yet nothing is true Nothing is real It's all a dream
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 5th, 2009|05:49 pm] |
The false self explodes And nothing's left behind It never existed It was a dream
Presence is all there is now |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 5th, 2009|03:24 pm] |
Teen to Twenties
When I play with Spotty I wanna be a dog When I chill with Kermit I want to be a frog When I dance with Mom I want to have five kids When I talk to Dad I want to be a king
When I learn from Adya I want to shave my head When I look at Mooji I want to gain some weight When I hear some Gangaji I want to be a girl When I enjoy some Elton I want to be so gay
When I vocalize with Mark I want to grow my hair When I visit Susie I want to shave it off When I go to the movies I want to be Brad Pitt When I sleep too much I feel like a lazy piece of shit
When I work real hard I fear ending up like Mom and Dad When I look outside I want to be a tree When I sing a song I want to sound like Ricky When I read some Einstein I want to be like him
When I think of Jesus I want to carry a cross When I hear about Buddha I want to give it all up
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