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[Jul. 14th, 2009|09:15 pm] |
Ode to Hate
There is nothing I can do to keep enlightenment from dawning
It's way too late
I was destined to be self-realized
From the day that I was born
There is nothing I could do to see the world through a distorted filter
There is nothing I can do to run away from myself anymore
This is absolutely inevitable
The crash will happen
And it will all be done
It will be like a dream that ended
It will be drama free
It will be ordinary
It will be sublime
It will mean nothing
This is so stupid
I hate having insane parents
I hate having insane brothers
I hate having an insane sister
I hate being insane and knowing I'm insane
I hate hating and knowing that it's all self-hatred
I hate being smart
I hate being handsome
I hate being awake
I hate life
I hate the world
I hate existence
I hate everything
This is so stupid and pointless
I'm surrounded by so many idiots
I'm surrounded by so many jerks
I hate being so damn clear
I hate what I see and live and I don't want to accept it
The world sucks
I hate life
I hate this place
I hate this
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 14th, 2009|04:17 pm] |
Special Needs
You call him special needs
When all he wants to know is the dog's name
You call him special needs
When all he ever does is be himself
Have you noticed the simplicity
In this special child's intentions
Have you noticed the complexity
Of this normal man's inventions
You want to know who likes you
You want to know who doesn't
You want to know who's good and who's bad
Who's beer is in line
You want to know what's right and what's wrong
When all he wants to know is
What's the name of that dog
Still you call him special needs
And call yourself normal
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 14th, 2009|08:31 am] |
Daddy
He's everything I've taught myself to hate
Which is why he can irk me in such ways
I love who I am when I am around him
Because I love to hate who he is
Yet beyond liking or disliking
There is an unconditioned something
There are no words for it
Although I wish I could find some
Who is he?
And who am I?
Where is he and where am I?
Such a mystery, such a riddle
There are no answers
Only futile questions
How can I love someone I hate?
How can I hate someone I love?
What a threat
What a dance
What a game
What a chance
I can't shake him off
I can't break the spell
I can't do a thing
But sit here and be well
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 13th, 2009|08:09 pm] |
Deathless Death
Into an absence of absence I will go
Nothing will be missed
For nothing will be lost
Pure, undistorted and open will be this body
That has carried crosses for far to long
Undaunted by fear I will live
Against rock, stick and stone I will crash
Like a wave that shatters yet intact remains
I will fizzle
If my art is bullshit
Then what is yours
When all you do is play your games
And hide and run from your deepest pains
After death and only after death
Can life begin
So let me die
So I can live
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 11th, 2009|08:48 pm] |
I notice how past experiences are still so lodged in my psyche and body. I still haven't gotten over not getting the parts I wanted in college. It's my argument with reality and my belief in my should be's.
It's funny. I laugh. I realize that I have never existed and I have never, ever been in control. It's all just happening. It's shocking and it makes you feel pretty useless and obsolete actually. And that's just the way it is. I am life itself, no need to comment. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 9th, 2009|10:13 am] |
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I can't stop jerking off to gay porn! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 8th, 2009|05:58 pm] |
Hello
Into an absence of absence
I will go
Nothing will be missed
For nothing will be lost
Undistorted, pure and open
Will be this body
That has carried crosses for too long
The burden is over
Death is life
This conditioned organism
Will open itself up
And allow the truth to flow through color
Yet without distortion, without conflict
Life will flow purely through this dead and alive organism
And a conscious expression of life itself will begin
Now and always now
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 7th, 2009|10:44 am] |
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You just end up being an ordinary dude with the inability to judge yourself or others. All is well, you know this with every cell of your body and live in a constant knowing that all is well. That's all that happens. There's no more suffering. Just being. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 6th, 2009|09:35 pm] |
I am terrified of mean people. I am very afraid of mean people. I am afraid of myself. I am often afraid that people are going to be mean to me. It's been a life theme actually. Very, very afraid of people, very afraid of closeness, intimacy, relationship. Horrified. Scared of being disliked, judged, misunderstood. I am scared.
I do the best to fake my way through. It's made life a nightmare. A fear camp. A fight. A struggle. Very uncomfortable. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 6th, 2009|09:22 pm] |
The body is in me
I am in the body
I am the One
The body moves in me
I move in the body
I am
I am all there is, was and will be
I am everyone
I am everything
I am it
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 6th, 2009|06:51 pm] |
I'm done being good
I'm done being bad
I'm done being so so
I'm done |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 6th, 2009|04:05 pm] |
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There is such great beauty in surrender. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 5th, 2009|09:04 pm] |
I'm awake in my dream!
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 5th, 2009|07:11 pm] |
I realize I have expectations of Dad, of Mom, of the world. And then I get angry at them having expectations of me!
It's all within. I am the one who expects from them! I am the one who needs to drop these expectations and live! What they do is their business and up to them. They are free... as free as I am. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 5th, 2009|06:14 pm] |
I no longer need
I have never needed
It was all an act!
:-)
Yet I still breathe, eat, drink, sleep, wake up, poop, pee, brush my teeth and LIVE!
I finally am able to LIVE! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 5th, 2009|06:11 pm] |
Identity
It's not that you lose your identity
It's that you realize that there is no identity
You realize that absolutely nothing is true outside I AM
The content is the dream
The play, the stuff
Truth, Peace, Joy, Love, Wisdom, Beauty are inherent in what I am
They are not anywhere but eternally here now
There is no identity
There is no self
There is nothing but I AM
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 5th, 2009|06:04 pm] |
Groundless
The ground beneath my feet has been seen through
There is nothing here
Just infinite and eternal space
I am totally awake
And it's no big deal
It's so ordinary
It means absolutely nothing
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 5th, 2009|06:00 pm] |
Enlightenment
Yesterday I thought there was such a thing as enlightenment
Yesterday I thought I was a person
Yesterday I thought there was something to do
Today I realize there's no such thing as enlightenment
Today I realize I have never been a person
Today I realize there's never been anything to do
I am enlightened
I am a person
I have things to do
Yet nothing is true
Nothing is real
It's all a dream
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 5th, 2009|05:49 pm] |
The false self explodes
And nothing's left behind
It never existed
It was a dream
Presence is all there is now |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 5th, 2009|03:24 pm] |
Teen to Twenties
When I play with Spotty I wanna be a dog
When I chill with Kermit I want to be a frog
When I dance with Mom I want to have five kids
When I talk to Dad I want to be a king
When I learn from Adya I want to shave my head
When I look at Mooji I want to gain some weight
When I hear some Gangaji I want to be a girl
When I enjoy some Elton I want to be so gay
When I vocalize with Mark I want to grow my hair
When I visit Susie I want to shave it off
When I go to the movies I want to be Brad Pitt
When I sleep too much I feel like a lazy piece of shit
When I work real hard I fear ending up like Mom and Dad
When I look outside I want to be a tree
When I sing a song I want to sound like Ricky
When I read some Einstein I want to be like him
When I think of Jesus I want to carry a cross
When I hear about Buddha I want to give it all up
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